The Summer means...

my birthday is coming. In two months I'll be 22. Honestly, I don't know where time has gone especially this year. In the CHD world 22 is another big milestone, I know it is. As I get older I get more scared of what my future heart health will be like and if I'm prepared for it. I know will my faith in God, family, friends, and my boyfriend that I'll get through it, but I still sometimes lay awake at night thinking about it. I know I shouldn't, I mean no of us know what our future holds or what will happen tomorrow... BUT when you have a chronic illness life gets put into perspective. I'm definetaly a pessimest and though my boyfriend, Chris, can be one too; he really tries to pull me out of it. It really not that easy. If anyone has ever wondered, especially a CHD parent, how have continued to get through this CHD... well day by day. I have done wonderful things in my life and I have been really blessed. I tend to write all the good in my life on this blog and on my carepage... there has been alot of good...great...awesome things that have happened to me because of the heart I've been given. But when I'm alone to my thoughts the reality of my life and hardships hit me and it hurts and it scares me more than anything in the world. Somehow, after crying or freaking out, I put my thoughts back into perspective and I'm fine again. It's been tough and I know as I get older it will only get tougher.

I read so about so many CHD kids and what they have gone through, some are doing great and others not so much. I sometimes ask God why was it me that is still here and not some other kid with a CHD. I never get a straight answer back. Having a great faith in God has taught me that everyone is on their own journey in life, for some reason I'm suppose to be here. For that I'm eternally grateful to God. I know my life misson is far from over. God has a purpose for me and everyone. I get alot of CHD parents say that I'm a great inspiration of hope. That I maybe, I don't know if I look at myself that way. I'm just a human being that has made mistakes, but with a CHD has gone through some of most nightmarish times that most people will never experience.

What I say to CHD parents is: I don't know what the future holds for your child, BUT try not to always put your mind to what may or may not be. Always think in the NOW, take things day by day. Let your CHD child know to take things day by day and as early as you can make them always think possitive, DON'T scare them with what may happen, if it hasn't happened then let it be. Let them be KIDS and LIVE as much as they can. The BEST thing you can do is let them explore the world. I KNOW that is difficult parents, trust me my mom sometimes still has a hard time after almost 22 years, BUT letting them go just alittle WILL benefit them. I KNOW you'll still worry, but that's a NORMAL parent thing. NEVER tell them to stop dreaming! And CHD parents NEVER let go of hope and ALWAYS be postive that they WILL grow up. Let them figure out their limitations, it's their body. NOT saying let them get out of hand. Let them know they NEED to find their limitations and it is OK to have them. Even if things end up going into a different path, knowing that you NEVER gave up and let them LIVE without worrying all the time will put your heart at peace just alittle. God WILL protect them no matter what he decides.

Honestly, the hardest part of having a CHD or being a CHD parent is accepting that God has ultimate control, that your are just here to give it ALL you have and make the BEST of EVERYDAY!!!

I will be 22 in two months and I will continue to LIVE everyday!!! God will lead and I will follow!!

With LOTS of Hope, Love, and Faith,
♥