The Summer means...

my birthday is coming. In two months I'll be 22. Honestly, I don't know where time has gone especially this year. In the CHD world 22 is another big milestone, I know it is. As I get older I get more scared of what my future heart health will be like and if I'm prepared for it. I know will my faith in God, family, friends, and my boyfriend that I'll get through it, but I still sometimes lay awake at night thinking about it. I know I shouldn't, I mean no of us know what our future holds or what will happen tomorrow... BUT when you have a chronic illness life gets put into perspective. I'm definetaly a pessimest and though my boyfriend, Chris, can be one too; he really tries to pull me out of it. It really not that easy. If anyone has ever wondered, especially a CHD parent, how have continued to get through this CHD... well day by day. I have done wonderful things in my life and I have been really blessed. I tend to write all the good in my life on this blog and on my carepage... there has been alot of good...great...awesome things that have happened to me because of the heart I've been given. But when I'm alone to my thoughts the reality of my life and hardships hit me and it hurts and it scares me more than anything in the world. Somehow, after crying or freaking out, I put my thoughts back into perspective and I'm fine again. It's been tough and I know as I get older it will only get tougher.

I read so about so many CHD kids and what they have gone through, some are doing great and others not so much. I sometimes ask God why was it me that is still here and not some other kid with a CHD. I never get a straight answer back. Having a great faith in God has taught me that everyone is on their own journey in life, for some reason I'm suppose to be here. For that I'm eternally grateful to God. I know my life misson is far from over. God has a purpose for me and everyone. I get alot of CHD parents say that I'm a great inspiration of hope. That I maybe, I don't know if I look at myself that way. I'm just a human being that has made mistakes, but with a CHD has gone through some of most nightmarish times that most people will never experience.

What I say to CHD parents is: I don't know what the future holds for your child, BUT try not to always put your mind to what may or may not be. Always think in the NOW, take things day by day. Let your CHD child know to take things day by day and as early as you can make them always think possitive, DON'T scare them with what may happen, if it hasn't happened then let it be. Let them be KIDS and LIVE as much as they can. The BEST thing you can do is let them explore the world. I KNOW that is difficult parents, trust me my mom sometimes still has a hard time after almost 22 years, BUT letting them go just alittle WILL benefit them. I KNOW you'll still worry, but that's a NORMAL parent thing. NEVER tell them to stop dreaming! And CHD parents NEVER let go of hope and ALWAYS be postive that they WILL grow up. Let them figure out their limitations, it's their body. NOT saying let them get out of hand. Let them know they NEED to find their limitations and it is OK to have them. Even if things end up going into a different path, knowing that you NEVER gave up and let them LIVE without worrying all the time will put your heart at peace just alittle. God WILL protect them no matter what he decides.

Honestly, the hardest part of having a CHD or being a CHD parent is accepting that God has ultimate control, that your are just here to give it ALL you have and make the BEST of EVERYDAY!!!

I will be 22 in two months and I will continue to LIVE everyday!!! God will lead and I will follow!!

With LOTS of Hope, Love, and Faith,
♥

Been Busy... Here is some Q and A.

Hello Everyone!

Life is a bit busy right now and I haven't really had time to write a blog post. My boyfriend, Chris, is leaving in two days for two weeks of Marine Training so I've been spending a lot of time with him as well as doing things with my family. I will hopefully get to sit and write some more about my CHD life later. Till then I thought I would give you my answers to questions I frequently get asked.

Also, before I go... I have a Button that you can put on your blog. I just fixed it today, so if you copied and pasted it on your blog before today then you'll need to re-copy and paste it. Feel free to tell others about my Blog and carepage as well as pass my Button, CHD Awareness Montage, and CHD poem along.

Here are a few Q's and A's:

Q: Did you ever feel rebellious toward your defect? Meaning did you ever go through a phase where you did not want to take meds, follow “the rules” anymore or want to keep your appointments with your doctors?

A: Honestly, I’ve never felt rebellious in a way that I didn’t want to go to appointments, follow the “rules”, or not want to take medication. I always wanted to do whatever was asked of me or was best for me because I was afraid that if I didn’t that I would pay for in the long run by getting sick. I knew the medication, the appointments, and the “rules” was what was keeping me healthy and alive. Sure, there were some days were I wish I didn’t have to do any of it (I still get those day), but I have never went against any of it (and never will), I just do it even if I don’t want to. I’m here, I’m alive, and I’m healthy, that is what matters. I will do whatever it takes for me to live a full life even if that means taking a bunch of medications, following all the “rules”, and having hundreds of doctor’s appointments.

Q: Do you feel you are controlled by your heart or was there a stage you felt you were and moved passed it?

A: For the past few years since I’ve been diagnosed with SVT’s (Superaventricular tachycardia) and been put on beta-blockers I have felt that my heart is controlling me. I feel like I have to be careful of what I do all the time because even though I’m on beta-blockers to control my SVT’s I can still get breakthrough ones if I’m stressed, sick, nervous, etc. Breakthroughs don’t happen all the time, but when they do I get chest pain and that scares me. So, I try my best to watch what I do and I’ve had to learn to stay calm when I do get some breakthrough SVT’s, but it’s hard and I sometimes feel like my heart is in control. Though, the past year I’ve been slowly moving past this stage as I try to learn ways of keeping my mind off my heart and realizing that I will be ok. I have a strong faith, a supportive family, wonderful friends, and a loving boyfriend that is by my side.20I know I will be ok. Thinking positively (easier said than done, but I try my best), having fun, and just living for the present is important especially for a heart patient.

Q: How was it socially for you growing up? Was it hard making / keeping friends?Do you feel like people treat you differently once they know about your heart? Does that ever keep you from opening up to friends or companions?How do you handle answering your friends when they ask about your quality of life?

A: I'd like to stress that every child is going to be different in this area as well. Growing up for me was tough, no doubt about that. I was so attached to my parents and older brother growing up that I was afraid of most people. When I started Preschool I didn't want to go and didn't want to be alone. I didn't have any social skills when it came to talking and relating to kids my own age as I had been isolated most of the time due to my parents wanting to keep me healthy . I actually went to Kindergarden twice because I was having such a hard time relating to kids my age. My first Kindergarden I went to a public school, then went to a private school for my second time around (private school is where I stayed until college). Back when I was small they had no early intervention classes like they do now for CHD kids. It was and still is hard for me to make friends. I'm a very shy person, though it was ten times worse when I was younger. It was hard making and keeping friends. Once I made friends many didn't have the same interests as me or we just didn't get along well, so it didn't work out, it never had anything to do about my heart condition usually.

Yes, I do feel like some people treat me differently once they find out about my heart condition and how serious it is. This happened alot more when I was in elementary school and high school then it does now and I think the reson for that is kids are too young to understand and know better in how to treat someone alittle "different" then them. I also get alot of people (more so now that I'm older) being nice to me just because of my health and I can recieve alot of sympathy from people. I don't like to be friends with these kinds of people if the only reason why they are talking to me and being nice is simply because I have a heart condition. I don't mind recieving sympothy from friends or strangers, but if they do it all the time and don't even try to treat me like any other normal person or like me for my personality I tend to get upset because I like to be treated like everyone else unless I'm sick or something is wrong. For the people who treat me differently simply because of my heart condition, yes I tend not to open up to them. As for my friends, my true friends don't treat me differently, they understand how I feel about how I want to be treated. I open up alot to my friends and I let them know what to look for if something happens and whatnot. My close friends and bestfriends are trained on what to do and what to look for and how to act around me, they try to understand and they are my support system. Some of the questions my friends have asked me do have to do with my quality of life and I handle them with telling them the honest truth, I want to be open and honest with my friends on what is going on with me. Sometimes it is hard to answer those questions as they can get me emotional, especaially questions about my mortalitly. Though with everything in life, I try to look on the positive (not at all an easy thing to do sometimes). My life has not been easy and I never had alot of friends, most people just didn't want to stick around when things got tough for me. The past few years with my minor heart issues I've had and my eye surgery I really found out who was really my friend and I came to find out I had about three. That's ok with me. I move on. Life isn't always easy, but I say that having one friend is better than having none. Never settle for less then the best of friends because when it comes down to a CHDers health we are going to need a friend through thick and thin. If someone doesn't like them because the are different or treats them different all the time then they are not worth having as a friend.

If anyone wants to see more Q's and A's that I have answered you can go to: http://www.inspiringhearts.blogspot.com/ an Adult CHDer with HRHS owns this blog and she blogs not only about her life, but has other adult CHDers talk about theirs... I'm under "Meet Lauren"... go check it out, it is a wonderful blog. Also, if anyone has any other questions for me don't be afriad to ask. I'm putting my e-mail on the right side bar if anyone wants to contact me privately.

Until next time... May God Comfort, Guide, and Bless you on your Journey.

With LOTS of Hope, Love, and Faith,

♥